Being a mom is like gambling.  You never know what card is coming to you.  Like yesterday, for example.  My children get up sometimes hours before me- I refuse to get out of bed until 7:15 because between the 2 of them they don’t allow me much sleep during the night.  Still.  Anyhow, it’s 7:15 and as I am sitting up in bed and getting ready to put my feet to the ground, my little darlings run in and tell me they had yogurt.  Well, that’s not awful but I would have preferred that they ask me first.  Then the little one says, “We ate all the yogurt.”  I can’t say it was anger that overcame me, I think it was really disbelief.  You mean to tell me that these 2 children ate 2 BOXES of yogurt?????  So I asked them to clarify that, in fact, they finished off the open box of yogurt and opened the second?  Yes.  And they ate ALL of those as well?  Yes.  Oh brother.  Between the 2 of them they ate 9 yogurts.  So now I still wasn’t angry, but more worried about the fact that they had done something so unexpected and what they heck would they do tomorrow???  And that’s the glory, or worry, of being a mother.  Every day is different than the last, and the older they get, the more they are capable of.  And now they don’t have yogurt for the next week to power their festivities.

My day was just so horrible, I can’t write about most of it.  I’m just going to skip to the “end”. 

I was really looking forward to the kids bedtime, like, counting the minutes with glee.  The husband had to leave for work at 6:30 so I figured I would only have a half hour to hour before they were out and I could relax on the couch with a mammoth bowl of ice cream and watch whatever tv shows I wanted.

Everything went as planned and they were both in bed and asleep by 7:30.  I settled in with my ice cream drenched with chocolate syrup.  (I don’t drink alcohol, so when I have a rough day I need lots of sugar)  As I was almost finished with my sugar, I hear the 6 year old coughing a lot and went up to make sure he woke up to take a drink of water.  He doesn’t typically have the same coughing/barfing issues as the 3 year old, but he has been coughing practically non-stop for 3 days and sometimes it’s just too much to handle.  Soooo, I make it up there and he’s waking up and trying to get a drink of water but there’s too much crap in his throat and he barfs.  Not a lot and the coughing slows so I think we are in the clear and get him up to walk to the bathroom and clean him up.  We get 2 steps into my room and he barfs again, all over my carpet.  I snatch him up and take off running to the bathroom and make it just in time for him to barf all over the bathroom floor.,  Yes, yes, this post is quite graphic, maybe I should have warned you before you started?  Oh well.

I didn’t really know where to start with the damage, so I put the child in a nice steamy shower and set to work.  He was perfectly happy now, playing and singing.  Me?  Not so much.  I used to have a fear of barf and barfing.  Then I had kids.  Anyhow, I get to work and halfway through the husband gets home.  He comes up to inspect the damage.  Let me stop right here and tell you about how he started out….When our darling 6 year old was a baby, he was a spitter upper.  Pretty much all day, every day.  I remember, very vividly, when my husband would get projectile spit up on him he would basically put the baby down immediately and rip his shirt off like it was on fire, then run to take a shower.  Seriously.  It’s amazing what time and experience will do.  Today he came up to look at the barf, on purpose.  Then we started to inspect it, and trying to figure out what the hell this child ate today that was red.  We racked our brains and threw out some guesses before deciding we had absolutely no idea what it was.  My husband even suggested that I touch it and maybe that would help.  Yeah.

I finished my job, put the kid in fresh sheets, and then finally changed the shirt that I had been wearing for 30 minutes with my darlings barf on it.  It was a super duper stellar day, and I can only imagine what tomorrow holds for me.  Or maybe later tonight, you never know in this house.

It’s day 3 of track out- otherwise known as a “break” when your child is in year round school.  I do believe it is a wonderful concept, they go for approximately 9 weeks, then have approximately 3 weeks off.  You don’t sit around for 3 months in the summer wishing your child would just go to school and give me a break for pete’s sake!!

That being said, it’s ONLY DAY 3 and I am convinced my darling 6 year old is trying to have me committed.  It’s probably a chain of events that leads to my instantaneous frustration.  Busted hot water heater, sick, barfing child who turns out has pneumonia, etc.  This morning I was looking forward to finally getting some time alone with my little darling while his little brother was at preschool- something we hardly ever get.  We were only given 90 minutes though, since today was the preschool’s Thanksgiving feast and we were going to partake.  So we went to Panera and had some breakfast and all went well.  We went to Target to get a gift for his friends birthday party.  Everything was going fine. 

Then we headed to preschool to get the little one and get in line to eat.  That’s pretty much where everything started to take a turn for the worst.  When we “picked up” the 3 year old darling from his class he was given the pilgrim hat and necklace to wear that he had made.  Well, he was immediately cranky and didn’t want to have anything to do with either.  Fine.  Whatever.  Let’s just get in line.  I didn’t know we would be waiting for 15 minutes and the kids weren’t really thrilled with this.  The 3 year old starts mining for gold in his nose and since we were surrounded by parents and kids, I kept trying to get his freakin hands away from his face.  He was fighting me and digging deeper when he would get his hands away.  Meanwhile, the 6 year old is whining and complaining that he couldn’t stand anymore.  I pointed out that we were surrounded by 2, 3 and 4 year olds who were perfectly happy and not whining about waiting for a few minutes, for pete’s sake.  Then he’s laying on the ground, blocking the hallway.  And this is all happening at the same time so I looked crazy- swatting at the 3 year old’s hands all up in his nose and quietly trying to tell him to stop that! and grabbing at the biggest kid there to get the heck off the floor!  This went on for a good 10 minutes before the doors opened and we were allowed in to get our plates.  I almost felt relief- we could get our food and sit down and everything would be easier.  I decided I didn’t need a plate, it would be hard enough to fill 2 for the kids without anything dropping on the floor.  6 year old wants to hold his own and I fear for the way it will end- he drops everything!!  So I’m trying desperately to hurry though the line that was moving slower than molasses, 3 year old is wandering away from me and bumping into people with plates full of food, and 6 year old is barely holding on to his plate.  They are BOTH all of a sudden coughing out of control and standing in front of the table filled with food that other people are going to eat.  They don’t understand the concept of turning your head away from the food and covering your mouth.  I am mortified and trying to hold on to my plate, my purse, and trying desperately to block their coughs and turn them away.  We somehow make it through the line and get to our seats without any food falling on the floor.  The 3 year old calms down once he gets some cheeto puffs in his mouth.  But, now the 6 year old, who before getting to the school was barely coughing at all, seems to be coughing uncontrollably.  I understand having a tickle, but it seemed like a lot of it was forced.  I am getting more angry because, hello!, people are trying to eat here and this child is non-stop coughing and doesn’t know how to use his elbow to cover his mouth, just hold it halfway to his face.  Then they ate as slow as possible to ensure every person in the room saw him coughing and you know they were wondering if he coughed on the food they were eating and probably giving me death looks.  I was too busy telling him to knock it off and drink water until he didn’t have to cough anymore, and telling the 3 year old that no, he couldn’t just eat cheeto puffs and cookies.  On our way out, I commented to one of the teachers there that I only have 2 kids but I need 10 people to keep them under control.  I know I looked like “that mom” who can’t control her kids and doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing.

And that was all before noon.  On DAY 3.

This post is a small book.  You have been warned.

We have had quite the “exciting” weekend around here.  Friday morning I got out of bed at 6:30 am so I could put the breakfast casserole I put together the night before, into the oven so my darling husband could have a hearty breakfast on Veterans Day.  That right there is just madness because even on school days I refuse to get out of bed before at least 7:15.  So we eat at about 7:30 and around 8 I start doing the dishes.  I told my husband the water wasn’t getting hot- or even warm- and maybe the pilot went out on the hot water heater.  He pokes his head out the door to the garage to see and immediately starts going  ”whoa” and “oh crap” and some other stuff I don’t want to write.  The dang thing was gushing water out the bottom and coating the garage and everything in it.  I was on the phone with our home warranty company within seconds and we were giving a 2-4 pm slot.  So basically we had no water all day.  In the mean time we had to get everything out of the garage and dried off.  Honestly, I was feeling so greatful!  Greatful that I had forced myself to empty every single cardboard box from he move,greatful that not one single thing in the garage was ruined, greatful that we got a home warranty when we bought this house, greatful the hubby was working from home that day because I would have been screwed without him!  By that afternoon and a million phone calls later, I was feeling a lot less greatful,.  The warranty company pays for a new water heater, sure, but they DON’T pay for the pipes, vents and other jargon I don’t know- to the tune of $800.  The good news is that we actually like to keep our money, so my hubby did a lot of research to figure out what is the best deal and who would give it to us.  Next week.  When we can get a new one.

The immediate problem at hand was that we needed to shower, especially the husband who had been out working in the garage all day.  Thankfully we were able to invade the in-laws house, get clean and stay the night.  Our new problem was the 3 year old, he had just gotten over a bad cough and being outside in the cold on Friday had brought it back with a vengeance.  The problem with that is that when he coughs, he barfs.  That’s his thing.  He made it all night without “incident”, but made up for it at 5:45am Saturday.  Luckily that wasn’t my first day as his parent, so I was prepared with bucket and water.  Our plan that day had been to go to the zoo, 90 minutes away.  We got all ready in the car and the GPS all set, and he starts coughing a lot again.  Knowing it would be a long drive with a barfing child, we decided to just head to the car show just 20 minutes away.  Naturally, as soon as we parked and went to get him out, he barfed.  Luckily I had just pulled him out of the car and we were parked on grass and there was nobody around.  So it could have been worse.  We are pros in the kids-barfing-in-public area.  There were no more incidents and we made it through the car show.

Saturday night we headed out to the in-laws again just to shower, this time not staying the night.  The kids had a blast in Grandma’s jaccuzi tub filled with bubbles that were taller than their heads.  As soon as he gets out, the 3 year old is coughing almost constantly.  I was really nervous and on “barf watch”, making sure he was taking a drink every time he got to coughing.  We made it out of there and relaxed a little, but I decided to sit in the back of the truck with him just in case.  The drive home is about 30 minutes, and when we get 5 minutes from home he gets in a coughing jag in his sleep and we just barely made it in time to pull over and lean him out of the truck before he emptied every single thing from his stomach.  The child has been doing this to me since he was a newborn.  If he cried for more than 30 seconds= projectile vomit.  Has a stuffy nose= vomit.  Has a cough= vomit.  Gets in trouble and gets upset= vomit.  I swear, the child has never had a stomach bug but he throws up so much even he is a pro.  I feel bad for the poor little guy.

Anyways, last night I shared a twin size bed with him so I could make sure he didn’t give me a reason to have to wash his sheets- especially since I don’t have hot water!  Today brought it’s own challenges.  My husband went to the store and got a camping shower bag so we didn’t have to make the trek to the in-laws and use up all their towels again.  We planned to use the camping shower tonight but then another problem arose.  We have been finding 5-10 ants at a time in our master bath and it makes me crazy so the husband went and got little ant bait things to put around the shower, where they seem to be most abundant.  This was outside of our comfort level since the kids often use our bathroom because their bathroom still isn’t done (almost 4 months later) .  My husband was going out to meet a friend for lunch and then do some grocery shopping for me since I avoid public places at all costs with a coughing, barfing child, so he just locked the door so no little people could just sneak in there.  Tonight when he went to open the door….it was impossible to unlock.  Long story short, we no longer have a door knob.  It’s not really a big deal since we never get to close the door, and our goal is to replace all the door knobs in the house anyways.  We are just being forced to do all these things now that we weren’t planning on.  So we finally get in the bathroom and get a glimpse of the ants, where they are really coming from…and feel really disgusting.

Hubby decides that he wants to shower, doesn’t want to do all the work of heating up the water and he’s willing to take a FREEZING COLD SHOWER.  He tried to convince me I should, but seriously, I have 2 small kids and there has been lots of days I have gone without showering even when I had hot water.  Plus I did absolutely nothing today and since I showered last night at the in-laws, I will just leave well enough alone.  Tomorrow I will do all the work of heating up the water for the camping shower, because as my husband says, I’m “high maintenance.”  Which is fine by me.

And to think, I wrote this book of a glimpse of 3 days of my life and I still don’t have hot water or a door knob to lock everyone out.  Who the heck knows what this week will bring?!

I don’t understand why being a parent is so dangerous.  My children use their hard heads to unintentionally leave damage in their wake.  I’m not talking about psychologically playing games with our heads; I’m talking physical pain and agony.  Maybe it’s because they are boys and are always moving around and making fast movements, or maybe it is a danger all parents encounter.  I have no idea.  I suppose the incidents have lessened a little since my husband and I have caught on to the danger and do all we can to avoid it.  Like, for instance, being extremely careful when sitting on the couch together.  My children do NOT know how to just sit on a couch- they have to be flopping around and arms and legs fly everywhere.  There have been SO MANY times us parents have taken a flopping child’s head right to our noggin.  And it’s not like, oh, I’m so sorry I accidentally bumped you ever so lightly.  It’s like, holy @#$%% I’m seeing stars cause my child just gave me a concussion!  Also, we can never sit or lay on the floor.  It’s an invitation to pain and regret. 

The biggest problem I still battle is dressing the 3 year old.  Whether sitting or standing, he loves to jump with all his might right as I am leaning over him to get try to pull on his clothes.  I’m lucky that I haven’t lost any teeth.  Yet.

I just love it when I give my 3 year old his cold medicine in the special little medicine cup and he throws it back like he is a frat boy on Friday night.  He’s already a pro- and that makes me nervous.  I can just see my future with this child as a teenager, even though I try real hard not to.  As of right now he is a very outgoing, friendly, sweet kid (except when he’s throwing an out of this world screaming tantrum) and I usually just enjoy the way he is right this very second (unless it is tantrum time).

But sometimes my mind gets away from me and I am picturing him as a tall teenager, much taller than me by the time he’s 15, and wondering if he will be his same happy, outgoing, brute self.  Or will be he a sullen, angry teenager who takes orders from nobody?  I am sure he will be into sports since he loves to throw things and yell and tackle anyone that is on the floor or couch.  I wonder weird things- like what will his room look like?  Will he be a slob?  Will he want to have it decorated with skulls and things I don’t know anything about?  I suppose this is the wonder of parenting.

It’s also very possible he will be an ultimate fighter.

This afternoon I walked down to the bus stop with my darling 3 year old just like I do every day to wait for my sweet 6 year old.  He was lagging behind and playing with dirt along the way- we walk a whole 3 houses down- and made it there before the one other mom who waits there also.  I hadn’t been able to finish my phone conversation with my mom before I left the house, so I was chatting with her as I sat down in my spot on the sidwalk corner.  The 3 year old is allowed to walk about 40 feet down the sidewalk while we wait, so I was staring at him while talking to my mother.  Every 30 seconds or so I would have to tell him to get off the grass! or don’t pick that up! or don’t you go any further!  Normal stuff.  Then all of a sudden he is standing funny next to the grass facing the street and my heart jumps.  The child has whipped it out and is peeing on the grass!!!!!  I jump up and start running to him, completely mortified and simultaniously laughing so hysterically I can’t get the words “I have to call you back” out of my mouth, so I have to try multiple times before just hanging up on my mother.  I reached him and yanked his pants up, trying to stifle my laughs, but not really succeeding. I pulled him back up to the bus stop, all the while alternating hysterical laughter and stern words about how you just can’t pee in public!  Once we got to the bus stop I tried to get myself under control and squatted down to his level.  Now, I am the type of mom who wants to threaten my children with real things that could happen- not the big bad monster is going to come and get you.  So I told him it was illegal too pee outside and if he did that again a police man would come yell at him, put him in his police car and take him to jail.  Completely logical.  I mean, technically, it IS illegal and a police officer could arrest someone for peeing outside, although I suppose if it was a 3 year old peeing outside I would be the one arrested.  .

You may already know this, but I am surrounded by males.  When I found out that my second child was going to be a boy, I started to go out of my way to be even more girly- pink and purple everything, more jewelry, regularly wearing make-up, etc.  I started shopping more often at a women’s store in the mall that helps women to feel more “feminine”.  Generally I would say this was none of anyone’s beeswax, but I was reminded of a particularly funny incident this morning.

A few months ago I decided to buy all new underwear and didn’t want them all to be the same, so I found a style I liked and then bought one in every color, pattern, and….quote.  I thought some of them were hilarious and figured one day my husband would see them and also find some humor.  One day I had an appointment with a dermatologist to look at a mole on my back.  Turns out it was really an “age spot”, which by the way, really should be named something else because that’s not exactly what a 30 year old wants to hear.  I hadn’t really thought about my clothing before the appointment because why would I?  I was going there for her to look at my back.  Well, she decided that she would just give me a once over since I was there and make sure there were no questionable spots anywhere.  All of a sudden I realized I was wearing a new pair of my quoted undergarments .  She looks me over and says everything looks good, and by the way….. cute underwear.

So now my dermatologist knows that I am the “best kisser”.  Fabulous.

Because sometimes there are no words. No words that aren’t curse words anyway.

Oh dear.  Sometimes being a mother is just so hard on the heart.  My littlest darling started school last week (yay!) and my oldest son is in year round school, and his 3 week break still has another couple of days.  I thought this was wonderful because it would give me alone time for 3 precious hours with my 6 year old man to do fun stuff and just be together. 

Last Friday we had breakfast out at McDonald’s- very fancy I know- picked some books out at the library, and did some grocery shopping since we had just been out of town for a week and I NEEDED food.  I knew that wasn’t all super fun for him, so I told him Monday (today) we would do something really fun.  I took him to a local kids bouncing place that he loves and figured he would be happy as a clam.  I played 4 games of table hockey with him and both of us had a blast.  There were a few kids his age there which I was glad for.  Let me tell you- my children are friends to all kids, ask all kids to play and include all kids in any games.  They are just so sweet that it melts my heart to see that and KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that they will be such wonderful people.

That being said, my sweet little darling was trying so hard to play with these kids his own age, running around with them and trying to get in on their games.  Then I noticed that it looked like maybe they were trying to hide from him, and not like hide-and-seek kind of hiding.  My mama-dar was alert and I knew there wasn’t much I could do to intervene.  I saw him and one of the boys having a regular conversation and I was hopeful that they were going to start to play together.  He came over to me, all sweaty and smiling, and told me that he had made 2 new friends, and they asked him not to follow them anymore.  He said they told him they were having a play date, and that maybe he could play with them later, but not right now.  Oh man, I just wanted to burst into tears right then and there and hug my brave little man.  As a mother I want my kids to be accepted by all and treated nicely, and it really sucks when that doesn’t happen.  I am grateful, however, that even though the other little boy turned my baby away, at least he wasn’t mean about it.

It was about the time I had told him we would leave anyway, so instead of waiting until after we picked up his little brother to head home for lunch, I told him we could eat wherever he wanted, just me and him.  We sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful day and I relished the alone time I had with my oldest baby.  And I decided that from now on, I would only go to the kids places with both kids, so at least they have each other to play with.